Seto looked over the report in front of him one last time. Their new system was still in testing and he had questions regarding a few of the results from the latest session. Mokuba, knowing his brother as well as he did, would have the information he needed having anticipated his thoughts. One of the perks to working with someone who was so close to you, one of the agonies as well--Mokuba knew just how to make things work perfectly for him but he also knew what would piss him off the most. Unfortunately, Seto never knew from day to day which choice his brother was likely to accommodate.

Yesterday had been a good day, whether due to Seto's own influence toward a positive joint venture, before and during their meeting, or just the fact that maybe the moon had been in the right position, Seto did not know. He did know, either way, he was going to have to risk Mokuba's ire to get the answers he needed. Well, he thought as he rose from his desk heading to his brother’s office, not all of the answers he required.

He had not received an answer to his message before leaving Toxic Pleasures the night before, which was not a very auspicious forecast for his planned night ahead. An old familiar and not very pleasant sensation was worming itself through his gut--something he thought he would never feel again, especially after growing past any resentment toward his previous dueling rivals. It left him stunned. Maybe he had misread the entire situation, or the other’s interest. Doubt was not a feeling he was comfortable with in his life, after all he was Seto Kaiba. Shaking his head to brush away the threatening emotional dilemma Seto left, heading toward his brother’s office.

Mokuba's assistant was nowhere around when he arrived. Not a surprise to Seto, if her boss was never there why should she have a better work ethic? Since the girl had, apparently taken the rest of the day off, he could only deduce that his brother was also out. He found himself proven wrong when an enormous crash came from behind the closed door.

Throwing the door open, Seto called out for Mokuba unsure what to expect but certain the sight that met his eyes was not it. Mokuba was kneeling upon the floor surrounded by shattered fragments of what once had been a small statue that stood in the office. He did not need anyone to tell him what the crashing sound he had heard outside was, the fact that the statue’s pedestal was on the other side of the room was all he needed to know.

“Mokuba,” Seto called out to him softly trying not to startle his brother any more.

“You have to fuck up everything for me, don’t you?” He could barely hear the words Mokuba spoke, nearly whispered. What the hell was he talking about, Seto wondered in speechless shock. “Toxic--even as kids in the orphanage. You should have left me there; I would have had a chance for a real family. If you had just stayed away from Gozaburo--I might have grown up normal and not felt this way. You don’t even love me.”

The words slowly seeped into Seto’s brain, not all of them making themselves understood at the same time. The first ones to clear through the fog rang out as loudly as the ones in his office two days before. “You do NOT believe that. You don’t actually think I could do something like that.” There were no sound from Mokuba, any objections, or confirmation of belief; he was not even looking at him.

“Mokuba, how could you believe I would do something like that?” His own brother, the one person who had seen him through everything life had thrown at them, listening to the shit the local rags passed off as news. Things that jealous former employees had spread after he had demolished their departments in the restructuring of Kaiba Corp. Surely, Mokuba knew better than that. “You’re the only one who’s ever understood me, and you think I’m so fucking cruel I could murder another person?”

Seto did not know what hurt more, the fact that Mokuba might believe any of that or that he still refused to look up at him. “It was an accident, I was no where near him. Do you honestly believe I would have done that and put you at risk?” He stepped closer to his brother, careful of the debris, wanting, needing to touch him, or to shake some sense into his head and get a reaction of any kind.

Dark gray eyes looked up from the spot Mokuba had been staring at the entire time, anger radiating out of them, “Yes.” One word full of venom and spite from his brother, that was all he received after so much silence; Mokuba just as easily might have hit him considering the way his answer effected Seto.

He turned, leaving Mokuba and everything else behind before the wave of oppression hit him. His chest had grown tight, as his breathing threatened to stop completely if he could not calm down and so he ran up the stairs leading out of the building. Everything was closing in on him and the quickest way to get out of it was to head up; the roof, open air even if city smoke and fumes filled it. Claustrophobia overwhelmed him, but he was determined to make it, even if he had to crawl his way up the final steps to reach the top of the Kaiba Corp. building.

Bursting through the security door, hands shaking as they fumbled with the code overriding the safety systems, Seto drew in a deep breath willing his lungs to continue their assigned job. After all these years, how could Mokuba have thought so little of him? He thought himself past the specter of the man who given them the Kaiba name. Buried him in the rubble of Alcatraz, left him behind forever and yet here he was again thrown in Seto's face. He felt all of ten again; small and so unsure of himself as he challenged the man to a game of chess putting everything he had on the outcome. Then later, watching as--no he shook himself violently, he was not going over that again. It had taken long enough for him to get past it the first time; going back down those paths would not help anything.

How could the one person who should know him better than anyone in the world, think something like that? He fell to the rooftop, knees hitting the rough surface only half aware of the pain that ran through out his body. Mokuba--the only reason for years he had to keep going, the only thing that kept him sane when everything else had given over to madness in his life. What the hell had happened? The little boy who once only wanted to grow up just like his big brother had at some point, turned into someone Seto realized he did not know--not if Mokuba believed that about him.

At some point his body went numb; so lost in the mire that now surrounded his thoughts, Seto did not notice the rain until thunder crashed overhead. Clothing soaked throughout and the reality of how long he must have been on the building’s roof came to him. It did not matter. Nothing mattered except for the ache in the pit of his stomach and the unbearable desire he felt for oblivion.

Actually, that did not matter either. Something inside closed off as he climbed to his feet. If that was what everyone believed of him, he could be that person once again. Walking down the stairs, heading toward his office, he knew it had been a few years, but it would not be hard to close out the world. He had done it in the past. He had stupidly let others get close--a mistake he would not make a second time, including his brother. There was just one other person he would have to take care of first.

*****

He received the message as soon as he slid his card into the computer at Toxic. Good, he could get this out of the way sooner than he had originally believed. He had let this one get too close for his own comfort; however, he was about to amend that. This was originally about anonymous, unattached, unemotional sex. Nothing more, and things were about to return to that state.

The room was dark as the other entered. The light from the outer room silhouetted him, the difference in lighting between the rooms forcing him to pause letting his eyes adjust. As he moved further into the room, the door closed silently behind him leaving them alone in the dark.

Even if the other could not see it an almost familiar sneer returned to Kaiba’s face, it felt odd to him in some way, but he shook off the feeling. He stood quickly, quietly and walked over to where the white-eyed beauty remained. He was such a pretty thing; Kaiba turned and their eyes met, unmasked and completely open--nothing could hide the identity of the other in that moment.

 

onward